I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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