My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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