My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
