You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i may or may not be watching the land before time
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
