I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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