I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
