You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the day after is always just damage control
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
