Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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