Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
