Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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