Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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