careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
