Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
