Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
