I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
