if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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