I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
