And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
