your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
