the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
