Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
