I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
