Tell her she can't have a vagina
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
