I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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