i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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