i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
