peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
