the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We are two peas in an std pod
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
