how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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