Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
