The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
