no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
