did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
