All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
