i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
