i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
