there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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