marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
