You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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