it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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