Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
