its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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