John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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