question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
