She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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