remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
