I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
