she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
