that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
