so that wasnt chicken after all
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
